Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Struggling

So, for the last two weeks God and I have been battling in my head and heart. Probably for the first time in 8 months I have really been struggling with my heart and why God let this happen to us. I am starting to wonder if starting this devotional on Hope has brought some deeper issues up I haven't been dealing with. At first I was so excited to start reading it and now I can't even pick up the book. It hurts too bad. There have even been some days I can't even read Julie's blog about the devotional. The pain is just too overwhelming. Julie brought up a specific point last week I have been particularly struggling with.

Thanking God. Are you kidding me? How can I thank God for this pain in my heart and for me losing our son? What is there to be thankful about? Our son is not here with us in my arms!

Yes, you reading the anger in those sentences! Yes, I am having anger issues but I am really trying to let it not get out of control. I am trying to lean on God. I am. I am also trying to not let this anger pull me down so low that I can't get out of it. It is just so hard sometimes and the unknown is overwhelming at times. So, please pray for me with this area I am struggling with.

I know lately I have not been up to talking and I am sorry for that. I just can't talk right now. Thank you all for being so understanding and sticking by my side as I go through this. I have some WONDERFUL friends who haven't turned their back on me even though I feel like I have to them! Love you all!

1 comment:

The Williamson Family said...

Love you! Remember you can always call me and I will listen to you!