Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Struggling

So, for the last two weeks God and I have been battling in my head and heart. Probably for the first time in 8 months I have really been struggling with my heart and why God let this happen to us. I am starting to wonder if starting this devotional on Hope has brought some deeper issues up I haven't been dealing with. At first I was so excited to start reading it and now I can't even pick up the book. It hurts too bad. There have even been some days I can't even read Julie's blog about the devotional. The pain is just too overwhelming. Julie brought up a specific point last week I have been particularly struggling with.

Thanking God. Are you kidding me? How can I thank God for this pain in my heart and for me losing our son? What is there to be thankful about? Our son is not here with us in my arms!

Yes, you reading the anger in those sentences! Yes, I am having anger issues but I am really trying to let it not get out of control. I am trying to lean on God. I am. I am also trying to not let this anger pull me down so low that I can't get out of it. It is just so hard sometimes and the unknown is overwhelming at times. So, please pray for me with this area I am struggling with.

I know lately I have not been up to talking and I am sorry for that. I just can't talk right now. Thank you all for being so understanding and sticking by my side as I go through this. I have some WONDERFUL friends who haven't turned their back on me even though I feel like I have to them! Love you all!

Friday, February 19, 2010

Happy Valentine's Day 2010

We had the sweetest offer this year from a couple in our Sunday school class to watch Isabella while we had dinner the Saturday night before Valentine's day. They have a little girl who is three like Belle so we knew they would have so much fun playing. Ashley is a lot like me on how we are raising our girls so I knew I could totally trust her. The problem came up when Belle starting coughing the day before. On Saturday morning we were concerned we wouldn't be able to go but they said to go ahead and bring her. Once we walked in the door she didn't look back except to kiss us goodbye. She was so excited to go play with Cali. She also got to go to Fernando's with them. They go every Saturday night since kids eats free.

Darren and I had a great dinner at AJ's on the Lake.



This used to be one of our favorite places before Belle was born. They have since moved to Ridgeland. He had a great ribeye and I had ribeye wrapped scallops. They were yummy! We had a good time and were so thankful to the May's for babysitting for us!

Sunday morning Belle woke up coughing again so Darren stayed home with her while I ran to the late service to keep the nursery. Before I left though I put on some meatballs, rotel, chicken wings, and peach cobbler since the Daytona 500 was coming on at noon. I figured my redneck husband would enjoy a junk food lunch since the first race of the season was starting. I need to add in here that he reminded me all weekend what we were doing last time this year. (We were at the Daytona 500.) I guarantee to you next year we will be at the race because I felt so bad he wanted to be there and I didn't. I'll do better next year!!!! We had a perfect afternoon of just the three of us laying around eating junk food!

Hope you all had a wonderful Valentine's Day!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Snow Day 2010

Unfortunately, I had to work on the day it snows ALOT! It made me so sad to leave Darren and Belle and go to work. I purposely left the camera with him though and asked him to take lots of pictures! Well, here they are. All 5 of them! It appears they didn't build a snowman or have a snowball fight but he texted me mid morning saying she LOVED the snow this time. That broke my heart even more. I figured she would like it more with daddy since he is a lot more fun then me!


What a stance!


I think playing on the swingset was the most fun!




At first I thought she was thigh deep and then realized she was on her knees!


Yea, he dressed her!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Shop till you Drop

Last weekend Amy, Robin, and I headed to Memphis to meet Kelly for a short girl's shopping trip. Daphne was a good mama and stayed home to watch Jack's last basketball game. We had a real good time shopping at market and then running around Memphis to a few other stores we don't have here. I would have taken more pictures but someone had been playing with my camera and ran my batteries down! (Wonder who that was?!?!?) We did have a great time though and missed Daphne!


Just unloading all of our stuff!


Kelly switching her purses over!


Showing off her purse! One of her goals of the weekend was a new purse! I'd like her old blue one in the picture!

Robin's tray!


She wants to be a model like Kelly.


Caroline and Hannah's Easter dresses

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

God is Good!

I am so thankful to have such wonderful friends. I think our friendships change over the years and when we go through certain experiences we gain new friends(and lose some). Julie Roberts (her blog is on the left side of my blog) is one of those friends I have gained. Before losing Sullivan, I followed Julie's blog about Madgalena's life and then after losing Sullivan, I contacted her. Julie has been such an inspiration for me and listened to me I don't know how many times. One of the ways Julie has helped me with losing Sullivan was recommending reading Nancy Guthrie's books. Nancy lost two children and knows first hand how difficult the pain is. Recently Julie has started an online devotional with one of Nancy's books http://www.nancyguthrie.com/books/oneyear_book.php
I couldn't wait to get the book but have a little story to go along with it.

When Julie wrote on her blog about starting it I was so excited. I immediately started calling the bookstores in town but it was no where to be found. Last Wednesday I had to go to Hattiesburg for a family counseling session with my dad who is not a Christian. My brother and I had the opportunity to share with my dad about Jesus and how he could heal his heart. After the session, we ran a few errands but my brother wanted to stop by Lifeway and pick our dad up some books about God healing his heart and his struggle with alcohol. I was ready to go at this point because I wanted to get back to Belle and Darren and had a bad attitude. I realized though walking into the store I could look for the book. Within 5 minutes I found it! Well, I'll be! God is so good! Although I was ready to get back on the road, God showed me I needed to have a better attitude! PLUS it gave us an opportunity to get my dad some books about being a Christian.

So, last night I got to start the book and I must say to anyone that is or has struggled with a loss in their life, should read this book!

But now thus says the Lord,
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
Isaiah 43:1-3

Monday, February 8, 2010

Followers

OK, I know I have some folks out there that read this blog. So if you don't mind, do me a favor and click the "follow" button! You don't have to have a blog in order to follow me, Mama! HA! Love you!

Thank you!

Amanda

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Busted!!!

There are just no words for this post. Last Saturday afternoon I was in the back of the house getting the bills ready to pay and I THOUGHT Belle was watching a movie. I wasn't gone 5 minutes and returned to find the below.




When I first saw her, I immediately went and got the camera but then after I took the picture she proceeded to throw the 3rd piece of my Peter's Pottery on the floor. Thankfully, this was the only piece that broke! I threw the camera on the bed and walked on into the bathroom. I didn't manage to get a picture of the sink which had water running in it along with toys (with batteries), toothpaste, toothbrushes, and hairbrushes. I didn't spank her because I screamed so loud, she started crying and knew she had done wrong.





After I calmed down, this was our conversation.

Me: "Belle, go put some clothes on."
Belle: "I can't."
Me: "Why not?"
Belle: "Because they are wet."
Me: "Well, I don't care what you put on but put some clothes on your body."
She comes back with the pink leotard on and nothing else.
Me: "You have got to have something on your feet. It is 20 degrees outside."
She comes back 5 minutes later with her pink socks all the way up her leg and her pink rain boots on.
Belle: "Mama, is this cute?"
Me: "Yes, darling. That is fine."
Oh my, the things this little girl puts me through.